Sunday, October 16, 2011

on waiting.

Reading a magazine, watching the news, texting a friend... nothing seems to make the wait at the doctor's office any quicker or more bearable. You show up to this place, and you simply want to get in and get out. Waiting rooms are like second-to-hell bad. There's so much anxiety and desire to escape. And that doesn't even mean that something bad is expected inside the doors; that can just be the everyday cleaning at the dentist.

But does waiting always have to be this cursed event?

I hate wasting my time waiting when there is something else that I think I can be doing. But there has to be some reason that God has designed this time in our lives, sometimes on a daily basis. And I think I have finally found stumbled upon that very reason.

We are 4 months into a 9 month process, waiting for the arrival of our little one. We are incredibly anxious to meet him or her, but yet we are more than 150 days away from that wonderful moment (not that anyone is counting... really there's no need when provides me with a countdown. :]) As we twiddle our thumbs and mull through nursery ideas, we're waiting for this absolute miracle to happen. It's absolutely killer.

And it's absolutely sweet.

I heard someone recently talk about how waiting builds expectation; it builds excitement. If we were to get pregnant and have the baby in a day, or even in a month, there would be no anxiousness for this new life. Sure, we would love our baby, but would it be the same amount? We wouldn't have been able to plan a home for him or her, prayed for his or her safety and development, grown into this well-developed and matured love for him or her.

It seems like I just can't wait another day for Cubbie to come, but really, the longer I wait, the sweeter it becomes. (Not that I feel like waiting any day more than those 40 weeks.) The longer I carry Cubbie, the closer I feel to this baby and truly the more I love him or her. When we first found out we were pregnant, I most definitely did immediately love our baby. But like the relationship between Mr. Allen and I, our love has further deepened and matured to become an intricate, intimate bond. In 5 months, we will be ready for that moment, for that fully-developed love to overcome us, for this little being to manipulate and dominate our lives in the best way.

Talking about all this, although it reaffirms the way I do want to enjoy this sweet time of waiting, has made me more (if possible) anxious.

Soon, very soon, this ...

[Cubbie at 8 weeks]

to be in my arms... forever.

Sweet baby: grow well, grow chubby, learn Daddy's and my voices, work those muscles as much as you want in there, practice all your soccer and tennis skills we know you already have. We love you so very much. And we are waiting, expectantly and anxiously... and willingly, for your blessed arrival.

with love.


  1. Amen to the waiting, girl. We're in different situations but also very similar situations and I have been thinking about this ever since I read this article: Even though it's hard to wait, it is a time God has given us for a reason. It's up to us not to waste it.

    Lovely post, sister :)

  2. Waiting is so hard. I know. But yes, that sweet, sweet little one is getting stronger and stronger. I love hearing about Cubbie.