finally, a decision

I'd like it if everyone just forgot about the fact that I didn't post for 2 weeks. And that, although I just got finished saying in the last post how I was ready to keep on with "la sencillez de Sunday", she failed. I'm going to just say that, for now, she's over. I'll let you know when I am ready to pick it back up. But for now, I just want to get back to blogging in general, and not be tied down by the stress (yes, it does cause me a little stress) of a weekly schedule. I'm just not that type of blogger yet.

So, saying all that... here's a post. A step back to the basics: baby, me, our life.

I've been wanting to write this post for a while. I didn't know exactly how or when it would be best. ...but here it goes.

A few weeks ago, one of my favorite bloggers wrote a post called "Oh the noise noise noise!" over here. I want you to read it. If you don't... well, I can't stop you from ignoring my wish, so here's a quick synopsis: She was pregnant before all her friends were, before everyone was pushing and shoving to be the one who could get closest to her ear to tell her their oh-so-important (and absolutely-without-a-doubt-perfectly-best) opinion about baby birth. She was allowed the opportunity to work through all the information that is out there about her body, her baby, and the way in which she would approach childbirth. From this freedom, she was allowed to sort through and make her own informed opinion. And now, she feels for those other mamas out there that are in a whirlwind of "noise noise noise" where everyone is overly-eager to share their thoughts and make sure you hear them out (and follow it to the tee.)

I have often during my pregnancy felt stuck in this overwhelming need of others to ask (which is not a problem) and share (sometimes can be a problem) about childbirth. Here in Chicago, in the hipster-area that we live in, and also in the environment I find myself in at church, I felt so overwhelmed with the pressure of you-will-have-this-baby-ALL-natural, and I was so uncomfortable. I wasn't ready to sign my name next to that line. Shoot, a few months back, I was so quick to want to rebel against that bandwagon, that I was going to walk into the hospital begging them immediately for drugs. I didn't really know what I wanted exactly, but I also felt like the choice wasn't mine. I felt like society was making the choice of how my baby was to be born and treated for me.

Wait, am I not the mom? Isn't this baby Mr. Allen's and mine? Don't we get to get a word in?

And although my rebellion was still ready to lead me running in the opposite direction, I kept my head from really spinning out of control and kept reading. I tried to read a lot. I tried to read a little of everything. I did spend some time talking to other mamas, trying to sort through this "noise noise noise" to get to the bottom of my what really were my options, and what did we think was best.

And then yesterday, Mr. Allen and I went to the hospital for our birthing class. It was a mixed-information session basically a little of what is out there. Here's your options, here's what a lot (99.9%) of the mamas that come to this hospital are doing, but to you other ones - we support you too. For the first time in 8 months, I was in an environment that wasn't telling me medicine is evil, that, although my body was made for birthing babies, I could (and maybe should?) choose to let medicine help me through the process.

And, you know what, even though I finally found someone on my side of the whole issue, I was able to more-clearly-than-ever-before make a final decision of what would be happening to my body, my baby, and her wonderful entrance into the world. (Did I really just call HOURS of pain "wonderful"?!) I finally feel comfortable and confident to go into the hospital on the day of, and when they ask, to tell them: this is how everything will be handled today, thank-you-very-much.

So, maybe the moral of this story (if that's even possible), I am so thankful for Ashley's post about the "noise noise noise" that's out there. Because I was surrounded by it. (Disclaimer: I never minded people asking me what my approach would be, please don't think that if you ever asked. Sometimes I was asked in such a pressured way though. And I knew that I would have given you the "wrong" answer, so maybe I painted the picture of my child's birth in such a way that you would like it instead of what I really wanted. But then again, when you asked, I also really didn't know what I wanted.) I'm so thankful that there is so much information out there, that there are options and no one-right-way.

And I am so so SO thankful that I've finally been able to make a decision. That I finally feel ready for this lady to be ready, because now I know how we're going to handle it.

...and all this pressure/information for just a few hours (hopefully) of childbirth. And then, guess what, she's here. And it didn't really matter how she got here, because she will be an absolute beautiful, wonderful miracle.

And she will be ours.
(Boy, does that make me happy.)